I hate conflict, always have. As a child I felt helpless in moments of conflict and would run away. In my marriage, running away is no longer an option nor, I might add, any longer a desire, thanks be to God quite literally. We have to barrel it through but barreling hurts.
At any rate, here we were having dinner and a movie (a bad time to bring anything up but sometimes it's now or never - at least it feels that way) one of our differences was weighing on me. In fact I felt he was wrong.
So I brought it up rather uncouth-like. He was terribly gracious. What started as an inquisition on my part quickly turned into real dialogue. We have both learned to ask questions rather than assume we understand the other's whys and wherefores.
We must have spent over two hours peeling back layer after layer of supposition (many wrong), motivations (despite what I think I am no mind reader) and observations (that can be painful). It was hard going. After a while however we both realized this is GOOD. We felt better and seemed to have arrived at a place that was new for both of us.
The issue isn't resolved but right now I don't care. I feel like we found the goose that lays the golden eggs.
Marriage is not just co-habitation, not even just a loving commitment to stay together, no, it's much more than that. It truly is a relationship where two become one. It really is. I have believed that because the Bible says it but I had never seen it before.
Our conversation started like rough sand paper. It hurt. We kept on. The more we talked, the more we got sand-papered. We began to let go of our own reasonings and enquired of each; the perspective of the one began to affect the other.
The emotional, mental and spiritual dimensions of our existence affect much more than our feelings, minds and hearts; they affect our bodies as well. We both felt physically better, lighter than we had in years about this. We both received the other and in so doing literally became a third entity on this issue. I will never be the same. The two shall become one. Indeed.